I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
