i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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