Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
