Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
