we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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