What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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