Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
