I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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