why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
