dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
