im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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