My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
