the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
