I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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