If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize