She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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