Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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