I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You need Xanax blowdarts
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
