We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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