Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
