Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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