i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
