I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
