I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize