well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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