why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
