An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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