conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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