Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
