I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
