if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
