you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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