I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
