I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
