I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
