At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
