Got a toothbrush?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
