Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
