Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
