I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
