i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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