Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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