The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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