How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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