Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
