Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
