i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
