found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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