I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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