Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Randomize
