chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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