Fuck appropriateness.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
