you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
