i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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