I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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