I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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