Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
