Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
