But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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