Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
