i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
