I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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