Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
