there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
