WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
