idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize