Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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