Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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