I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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