I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
