Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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