I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
