I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
