my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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