forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
