I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
